Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Holidays!


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Scary-oke Maneuver: The Carry

Get the biggest and brawniest person at the bar to keep you off the ground all through your number. Touching the floor will not only cause you to lose your point but will also cause you to be eaten by pirahnas and burned by lava... as any child who plays the couch cushion game can attest to. Dangerous!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Scary-Oke Challenge: Sing a Country Song

Yeah, lets kick our spurs and howl out a big "heeeyaaa" as we challenge our friends to sing our favorite country smashes. If you want to make 'em groan choose some lame-o corporate new country stuff that none of your friends like even ironically. Make 'em sing the types of songs that belong in the real America, you know, Waffle Houses, Walmart parking lots... and Neo Nazi Rallies! The more patriotic the better... Toby Keith anyone? Fire it up, know what ta do!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Scary-oke Maneuver: "Gettin' Dirty"

Git out your raincoats now because we're gon' git dirtay!
The conceit here is that you pepper the challenged song with "f-bombs" and any other "cuss-words" you can think of. It's best when thrown in while staying "on time" with the number so it seems as though it was always there to begin with. Try to use songs that aren't already filthy or use radio versions of songs and make them filthier than the original was. You all know me and you all know there aren't too many things that Jared Michael Gniewek loves more than swearin' on you can trust me when I tell you that people LOVE IT!

The most popular example of this type of maneuver would be The Dan Band's version of Jim Steinman's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
( can't fuck up a Steinman). Notice how he exhales the fuck words percussively and right in the pockets between the lyrics. It's not just Hollywood magic, kids, you can get those same results! Use a different song though, these guys kinda' got that number locked down for awhile.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Scary-Oke Robot Singing Maneuver

This maneuver consists of performing the challenged song in the voice of an automaton. Keep inflection to a minimum and just go deadpan and clipped with your expressions. Feel free to use robot dance movies during your long breaks. This maneuver works wonders with songs where vocoder (or any effect where in a mechanical voice is emulated...overt autotune for example) is used.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The School Chorus Maneuver

Art by Ann Zakaluk

This is a special treat. The maneuver here
is to overly accentuate each line of the song (each syllable really), make lame interpretive dance moves, and generally act a little nervous and though you were back in your elementary school chorus days. Don't worry about weird shoulder rubs, though, you're safe at the bar!

General Challenges

This beautiful creature will be representative of any challenges for which there is no card. This will be most of them as the best challenges are aimed specifically at the singing deficiencies of your friends. You'll probably be seeing a lot of this guy so get used ta him.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


This maneuver for one point involves singin' like you was in a death metal band. If you can't do that then just scream. I prefer using adult contemporary and soft rock classics of the early nineteen eighties fer this.

Try this number:

Or this bad boy:

Enjoy kickin' ass and gettin' tons of free shots for your efforts. trust me. I know.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Scary-oke...the comic strip!

Believe it or not I've had multiple requests for a Scary-oke comic strip. Here's my first attempt. Hope y'all get a good laugh at my expense.

Monday, November 16, 2009


This card is for the one point maneuver of singing in pig latin. Don't try this for The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground. No one... I mean NO ONE likes their oatmeal'hay umpy'lay.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The 007 Challenge

Who doesn't love a James Bond Theme? I'll tell ya'! Dudes with bionic hands, eyepatches, and overly aggressive manservants. They hear one of those and they go runnin' fer the door. Lets keep our bars clean of super criminal masterminds shall we? The last thing we need is for one of our precious magical dolphin friends to fall into a shark tank and get shot with a laser.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Card Back

This is going to be on the backs of all the challenge cards. Things are moving along.

A Little Bette Midler with Middle School Dancin'

Photo by Alex Ferguson, DJ

We all did some play testing last night at my favorite karaoke spot, Botanica on East Houston Street. Their Sundays with Alex have been as near as church as I'll ever get for some time now and the OUTRAGEOUS moves and sounds of the singers was my inspiration for Scary-Oke.

This image is of my lovely girlfriend, Ann, after challenged to "Wind Beneath my Wings" (2 point challenge) with "like you're in middle school" (1 point maneuver). Her inflection was appropriately over-pronounced with each syllable stressed on every line and she had some wicked cool interpretive dance steps to go with each line. Then I joined her for an awkward middle school slow dance at the finish. She definitely earned her three points!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Stay seated.

This bad boy illustrates one of those maneuver examples in the sidebar there. Pretty simple. I find when performers stay on stools it makes 'em look real sophisticated. Classy even. Try owning it yourself, big guy!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween! Now KNEEL...for points.

Lets see y'all get on yer knees and wave yer hand liken you was a Baptist or somethin'. A good maneuver. The knee slide looks good on a Bacon or even a Ponch. Let the world know that your hand's got soul while your body is humbled by the power of your own damn voice! This demon's got a ton of kin too!

Friday, October 30, 2009

An Upstate New York Classic Scary-Oke Challenge

Okay, this is a challenge for the song "Working Man" by Rush. There will be individual cards for songs as they strike me.

Yer A REAL Dolphin Now! Scary-Oke Shirtless Maneuver Card

This is the art for the card that asks... no the card that begs you to remove your shirt while singin'. When clothes come off, you know the singer is really passionate about the material. Like D'Angelo or R. Kelly or Ray Stevens. Naked means pure and raw so let's challenge our friends to show some skin!
You'll thank us later.
The Maneuver Card is coming together nicely.

Don't Stop Bereaving... Scary-Oke Consonant Swap Maneuver Card

You see how a simple consonant swap can change the whole flavor of a tune. Now we've finally injected new life into that band Journey's tired Karaoke Classic. We can all get excited when this old horse starts the field ta plowin' again! This swinging chap is based on a guy who used to come into the gas station I worked nights at. He would play instant tickets for hours upon hours. His occupation: gravedigger. He would smile in a creepy way whenever he won. He looked like he was on opium. I think I captured him.

Scary-oke Challenge: Can't Fuck Up a Steinman

You know what's great about Jim Steinman's music? You cannot fuck it up! You could be a shrieking chimpanzee in an animal testing facility with wires coming out of your exposed brain and your eyes sewn shut and you could still rip out "Total Eclipse of the Heart" like a space dolphin who craps laser beams! You want to make the bar a better place? Challenge a pal to your favorite Steinman classic.
You can't fuck up a Steinman.

Now with inks... you still can't fuck up a Steinman!

The Billy Fury Challenge

This is the rough for the art for one of the most popular challenges in the game: The Billy Fury Challenge. Do you know who Billy Fury is? Probably not. You probably don't know any of his songs that are all over most karaoke books. Unless you're from the UK. I guess that's where karaoke tracks come from. Maybe they bundle Billy Fury songs in with the newer and more popular tracks. I don't know but the challenge doesn't have to be Billy Fury. I just like the sound of it.

So... slap a Billy Fury Challenge on yer friend and watch 'em try to muddle their way through some song they've never heard. I recommend Billy Fury songs for this and whatever you do don't use a rap song for this. It embarrasses everyone involved...yourself included.
And here he is with inks. Pretty soon we'll see an actual card prototype! You sweating? You will be. You will be.

Rules Rules Rules

Here they are kids, play tested and ready fer boozin'! Keep in mind that eventually there will be cards representing my favorite maneuvers and challenges available as a free pdf download. Due to my belief in remaining transparent you will get to see the drawings of each of the cards as they are conceptualized and in just a few months you will be able to challenge your friend to, for example, "Turn Back Time" with a maneuver for replacing you with Bob for three big points using a premade card...perfect for a noisy bar!

Making sense? No?


“Making Extroverts Go Too Far”
By Jared Gniewek
Get the most points by making the biggest ass of yourself while singin’.

1. A set number of rounds is agreed upon. Usually two or three depending on the size of the party.

2. Everybody sings. If you don't sing, I kill you myself.
Selecting your own song = 0 points.
Allowing a challenger to select your song = 2 points
A song which the challenger believes you have never heard = 3 points (this is commonly known as The Billy Fury Challenge).

3. You may rack up more points by using maneuvers. These are each worth 1 bonus point.
For a self selected song you may use up to three.
A challenger may amend their song choice for you with one of these as well. You may not adjust a challenged song with maneuvers unless it is part of the challenge (you may execute them but receive no bonus points).

Maneuvers include:
* Exchanging a common word in the lyrics with an amusing alternate. (examples include replacing “you” with “Bob” or “Rain” with “Nuts”)
* Dancing like an asshole. (this includes but is certainly not limited to “air guitaring” and stripping)
* Pretending to be the performer whose song you are singing.
*Perform a duet with yourself and using appropriately hilarious voices for each of the parts.
* Staying seated on a barstool while singing no matter what your friends do to try to get you to stand horseplay!
*Getting on the bar like it's that coyote movie place and belting out a real scorcher.
*Scream the number like you was a death metal singer. Yer a REAL dolphin now, so remember ta' use that blowhole!
* Go ahead and replace all instances of a consonant with another. I like replacing "t"s with "w"s but it's really up to you.

4. All points are subject to approval by the group or a neutral party. If the player adheres to the maneuvers and challenges before them with gusto that is usually sufficient for points. Don't be too much of a stickler... remember that it’s all in fun!

Note: These are a work in progress (as is everything on this site) and will be changing.

Further Note: If you send me your playtest diaries I'll probably post 'em. If you send me your hilarious pictures and videos of your buddies performing crazy challenges and maneuvers and I'll most likely post those too.

Oh...and if you hurt yourself or get kicked out of a bar because of this game you have only yourself to blame. Don't go playing coyote movie place up on the tables and shit if you don't know (and tip) your bartender. Be an ass not an asshole!

Now go fuck some dragons...with songs!