Sunday, December 26, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

Out of continuity

This takes place before Fred's Karaoke was closed due to competition from Korea Town's karaoke scene.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A little help from the neice

My fun and hilarious neice, Claire (AGE 8), wrote this strip with me. I know no monsters sing but it's still pretty fun!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I challenge you to be a lizard king

Guest Artist Allesandra Bolger (Thunderground Zine)

You can really make the Baby Boomers wince by doing any Doors song in any voice that is not the bearded fat drunk man's. This is counter to what makes the bearded fat drunk man an intriguing front man. His absolute lack of commitment to entertaining anyone but himself makes him, perhaps, a scary-oke player before its time. Indeed, if karaoke was popular in those stone ages we might never have seen a lizard king but perhaps an aging shaman still alive today and performing at karaoke bars up and down the West Coast.

Here's the legend:

Here's a pretty funny cover by the future selves of the band:

Of particular joy is the souless attempts to "channel" the bearded fat drunk man from the "other side" in the performance. The bearded fat drunk man, as narcissistic as he was, could still deliver a distinct vocal.

And here's a practice karaoke for you home viewers:

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Humans are easy

Explanation of Scary-oke Funny from last week

Some folks didn't get this one. Don't think further elaboration is necessary.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I Challenge you to sing "Poison" at Scary-oke tonight!

What it is. A challenge to perform the New Jack Swing classic, Bell Biv Devoe's "Poison." It would be great if someone performed it as Bell Biv Devo with flower pot helmets and the whole thing, but until then here's some likeable chaps singing poorly but putting on a great show:

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Michael McDonald Challenge

Even if you take this challenge. Even if you've got the biggest balls of your gang and will sing karaoke in pig latin, shirtless, and standing on yer head, you cannot sing a Michael McDonald part in any way that will sound "good" or "nice." Only two men in the world can sing McDonald so he sounds good... Michael McDonald and me.

If you think you can take me in a blue eyed soul song off, I'm game. Try me. And here's the master:

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Friday, November 5, 2010

Rex-Bot expresses an unpopular sentiment

Rex-Bot's opinions in no way reflect's vision of a cool wind powered future with giant caterpillars and machine guns.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010

For y'all not in the know:

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Comics for others

These are all some comics I've done that weren't specifically for Scary-oke. It's even LESS likely that a monster will sing in these.

I did this for GIJOE week at Graphic NYC last year.

This is an ad I put up at the local game store. If you live in San Francisco and want to do some tabletop role playing, I'm your guy.

I did this for an upcoming Bay Area zine. If they keep publishing them, I'll keep writing amusing anecdotes from the lines at free food programs.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday, October 3, 2010

ISSUE 3 out now!

I've compiled all my recent comic strips into 1 pocket sized mini comic. This is my third mini comic and it only took me a year to do. Sold out the first run at the Bluegrass Festival here in San Francisco. Printing up more. Give me 1 dollar and 50 American cents and I'll send you this very important work. How easy is that? I added a donate button over in the sidebar. Remember to send me your address! All the best.
Oh, and if you want to print it out yourself, I can send you a pdf for fifty cents.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Why why why!

Anything performed by Mr. Tom Jones. No snark. Straight up respect.

Example #1

Example #2

Example #3

Example #4

Quite possibly the easiest scary-oke challenge ever.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Maneuver: Make a puppet and foist it!

Everybody loves a puppet. Everybody with a pulse. Just look at the history of politics and religion... Folks can't get enough of 'em. They love a good scapegoat too, but most karaoke bars prefer you leave those at home or in office. Scapegoats don't really rock out, they usually sit around feeling sorry for themselves and plotting revenge.

This manuever is for you to force the challengee to perform the challenged song as though it is the provided puppet performing. Have them really ham it up. It's best if the singer avoids making eye contact with the audience and lets the puppet do the performing. It's nice as a duet, though so whatever works.

Here's a puppet video from my youth that I found (and still find) more terrifying than the coming attractions for Troll. Though not by much.

Genesis - Land Of Confusion
Uploaded by amandaburr. - Explore more music videos.

Here's a well done puppet singer in action:

And here's the chilling coming attraction for Troll that left me hiding behind the couch until Amazing Stories came back on:

Friday, September 24, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

Monday, September 13, 2010

Rappin' Wrapped Rapper

I know. I know. A real groaner. But y'know I really didn't understand what "rapping" was. As a small boy, when I was first exposed to it through Rodney Dangerfield's "Rappin' Rodney" video I could have sworn he threw piles of wrapping paper in the air. When it was time to wrap the Christmas presents I strutted around singing the chorus, "no respect, no respect." It turns out he does nothing of the sort in the video. It was just another one of those things I thought I saw. Sort of like the robots in Ice Pirates break dancing or the ghost of my grandfather.

When I got a little older. It was explained a bit more clearly as the thing Vincent Price does in Thriller. Well that cleared that up. It had nothing to do with Christmas after all. I kind of thought this made it boring. If it had no connection to presents what was the point? Keep in mind that I didn't really care about music outside of Weird Al until I was in Middle School and my buddy Ben started taping me his Anthrax and Iron Maiden cds.

As far as rap goes, it wasn't until I heard "It's Tricky" that I started to see that rap could be kind of fun, and that was mainly because Penn and Teller were in the video. Plus they had their own helicopter and a Batman-esque phone in their plush van interior. And D.M.C. wasn't at all embarrassed by his big glasses like I was. I kind of thought they were cool. Plus with all their warm clothes they looked ready for Christmas and it all came full circle.

This challenge card is for the performance of a rap song. These are actually the hardest karaoke songs to perform. It's hard to stay in time with the beat when you're all boozed up. I've embarrassed myself with rap songs a few times now. As much as I love Will Smith, I simply cannot match his verbal dexterity. I mean, "I've never seen so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans," from the hit song "Miami" sounds nice in theory but after a few shots it's more like "I neberseesomanydomcanwimbenwitcinmantans ."

I highly recommend "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" for many reasons. It shows that you're not a hip-hop snob and living in the bay area now it's hard to spit without hitting one. It also is quite probably the greatest rap song ever written. And finally, it inspires a suprisingly high level of slutty dancing. And isn't that the real goal of karaoke anyway?
Also recommended for karaoke nights, Missy Elliot songs are fairly manageable in tempo although rhythmically can be a touch off-putting. Salt and Peppa's nineties hits are fun. And you won't make any enemies with "Nothin but a 'G' thang". Contemporary rap songs are not a preference for me as I got bored after ODB died and then stopped listening completely after "Drop it Like It's Hot" sort of closed the book on rap for me. Especially, after DJ Prince elevated it with this amazing mash-up!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Challenge: Perform A ROCK SONG

Okay, the 'rents are in bed and Jimmy's huckin pebbles at yer window. One AM on school night and you got a feeling in your belly grumblin up yer throat. Hands are twitchin, hips are shakin, heads a buzzin. You got that triple shot of hormonal kick ass bustin its back all up to yer craw. You know what time it is? It's time ta rock.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Costume Maneuver

This maneuver will require some forethought on the challenger's part. He/she should bring a costume or embarrassing hat for the singer to wear as they perform their next song. This could lead to some fun gender bending choices as 300 pound rednecks get dolled up as Britney Spears during her schoolgirl heyday to sing Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel like Woman."
Or perhaps a shirt that is plaid with a butterfly collar could be used for someone when they sing "Parents Just don't Understand."

It could also be a liberal dosing of makeup for songs by KISS, King Diamond, or the Insane Clown Posse. Singing "All by Myself" while dressed as Shaggy 2-dope(sp?) could spell the end of life on Earth as we know it. Columns will finally start crumbling, Krakens will rise, and we the singers...we the singers will, like Nero in his time, celebrate as it turns to ash.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dolly Parton Challenge Card

My Guest Artist is Ann Zakaluk. We date. She can draw pretty nice-like.
When I was a small boy, my mother took my sister and I to see "9 to 5". I had never seen Dolly Parton before but in my mind from that day on she has been the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when her tits became the butt of every joke in Elementary School I held fast to my conviction. Even as her public persona became more and more garish, I clinged to that as the one solid truth. The one constant in my chaotic life.

When I was working in the music industry she came to rehearse at my employer's and I wouldn't look upon her for fear that she couldn't live up to my childhood glorification. I sat near the studio and listened and she sounded better than ever. What a voice. What a songwriter. A real icon of class, professionalism, and talent in a rotten world of leaches and scumbags. Now feel free to puke all over her legacy with your sloshy versions of "Jolene". Bring the whole damn Sorority up to sing it too. Why not? It's a free country. See if I care.

And you know what else you can do? You wanna know WHAT ELSE!?! Do "Islands in the Stream" ... bring your boyfriend up and DO IT! I got threatened by skin heads with a pit bull for putting that song on at a bar in Soho. They waltzed over to the digital juke box and used the skip ahead function to pre-empt my selections then turned to my buddy and me and said, "Hadda put a stop to that faggot shit." Then Buckcherry's "I Love the Cocaine" came blaring out. I thought they must have been joking but we didn't hang around to find out.

The weird part was that he didn't say "shite." It was clearly "shit" even though they were Irish guys. I've never actually heard anyone say "shite" outside of folks using the affectation for whatever reason they choose to. I've been listening for it but I'm actually really bad with dialect...

So you go ahead and fill every bar in the country with the "Islands in the Stream." Those fuckers need to hear it wherever they go for the rest of their lives. It could be like a really dull "Tales from the Darkside" episode as they're driven mad by the constant exposure to the 1983 #1 pop hit penned by Mr. Barry Gibb and Co. The twist ending could be that they start to like it.

So here, try it out:

Uploaded by WeekendLeisure. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Dance, Motherfucker, Dance.

This is a challenge to perform any song about a dance. "The Twist", "The Madison", "The Macarena", "Crank That Soulja Boy", "The MAshed Potato", or if you wanna get down for reals... do "Land of 1000 Dances".

Tell 'em, guys!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Maneuver: Minus the Monitor

Turn that shit off. You came here to sing not read. You gotta either make up your own words or just know the song so well that you don't even need that teleprompter. I've read that all sorts of rock and rollers use teleprompters on tour. They get so aged and drug addled that they can't remember the words that have made them so much money. You can reset the scales of justice by showing solidarity through the foregoing of the "cheat sheet". Plus, without getting bogged down with the lyrics you can make eye contact with each and every person watching you sing and thus creeping them out... and maybe creeping folks out ain't worth bonus points in Scary-oke but in LIFE it's worth everything! Have Fun, Kids.

Friday, June 25, 2010


This is a challenge card for any song but Bohemian Rhapsody. Too many lovely nights of singing have been ruined by drunken graceless performances of this song as gangs of up to fifteen people gather around a microphone trying to keep up with the frenetic parts and wide range of vocal layers. I mean...if you really must, go ahead but it's a hard song. Almost as hard as Gettin' Jiggy with It. Mistakes are made and fun is had but maybe you could challenge someone to a different Queen song...Fat Bottom Girls is nice. I find myself humming Bicycle on occasion. I mean nobody's ever gonna' touch the Muppet version of Bohemian Rhapsody--indeed the final nail has been deftly hammered into the coffin of this bloated overplayed classic.

If you're one of the three folks who haven't seen this muppet thing, here it is:

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

To the confusion of our enemies...

This is a sneaky challenge. The way it works is you tell your scary-oke opponent that he/she is performing one version of a song (ballad, dance mix, etc.) and then request a different version. Many songs have many different mixes and remixes available as karaoke tracks. Ask your KJ fer help. Sometimes, though, with song lists in the tens of thousands these brave warriors at the front of karaoke combat aren't even aware what type of ammo they got so be ready. Changing the tempo and key is also a nice surprise for your opponent. Try it out and see if they can get through the challenged song... much less rock out your deftly selected maneuver to go on top of it.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Rock that stand, kiddo!

You know what I love? Folks who know how to work a microphone stand. I like when they knock it over and then kick it back up at themselves like a rake in a Looney Tunes short. I like when they lean real low with it like they was a crooner. I like when they dance back and forth with it covered in flags. I like when it is lifted and air-guitared with. If the bar yer singin' at has a mike stand then drop this KILLER scary-oke maneuver in your enemy's lap. Watch em' rock the rod!